i'd like to see you undone

Sunday before finals week. It is a little daunting. Although tomorrow is Dead Day, I do have a final at 6 p.m. tomorrow night, and I have got to study for that tonight. Maybe during Grey's Anatomy. This week should be a rush of tests, work, and cleaning. Graduation is Friday and I don't know what to think about that.

This weekend was strange in so many ways. And I'm feeling more bewildered in regards to the happenings of this weekend than I ever have before. Friday was a whirlwind of weirdness. Here is a little background for you. There is this guy, we'll call him Guy. So Guy and I have been hanging out right? I have a class with him, and he is great and fun and all of that, and little over a month ago we started hanging out outside of the classroom. It was cool. He is nice, his friends are cool, etc. So at one point during all of this Jason and I decide to take some time off, but it has absolutely nothing to do with Guy-just so we are clear. So it turns out that both I and Guy might be interested as more than friends, but neither of us are ready/wanting to date anyone, and decide to just hang out as friends. We establish that. So we were hanging out a lot. Like daily. Initiated by him, but openly welcomed by me. A week before Thanksgiving things start getting a little funny. I attribute that to trying to establish a no pressure situation. Thanksgiving happens, then this week happens. This week was completely weird. (See the corpse bride blog). We hung out Monday for short time after our class and he makes it sound like we will hang out later on that night as well and do homework. I hear nothing. Corpse Bride happens, he apologizes for the awkward situation but still no hanging out. Every other day of the week happens, and nothing. He is scarce. That brings us to Friday when I ask him if he wants to be my lunch buddy, with intentions of asking why things are so weird. He can't go to lunch but before I say anything about how we need to chat, he suggests that we need to talk because there are some "misunderstandings between us." Hm.

So Friday night I ride to Dallas with a friend to see a show--Homer Hiccolm and the Rocketboys. Heres a plug for these guys, because they are making great music. They are genuinely talented and have a love for their art. And they are nice. The sound you can hear and feel is unique but manages to be hauntingly familiar at the same time. It is that sound that you've always had in your head, but could never put your finger on. The band is a six-piece collaboration; each part distinctly individual with the ability to carry itself, but in the end coming together for a clean sound that is impressive considering the group has been together for only a year-ish, give or take. As for live, the stage prescence is there, and they are fun to watch; any audience member will see these guys are loving what they are being allowed to do. You can visit their myspace: www.myspace.com/rocketboys. Listen and love. There is my public service for the day. Anything to help musicians who are trying to make it in the world.

Anyways, the show was excellent. And Guy happens to be there. We talk for about 15 minutes, he says he has come to the conclusion he isn't ready to date anyone right now, and I agree saying I'm not either, but that this week has been completely weird, and that I think we are more on the same page than he thinks, but that I am tired of having to try so hard to be his friend. He says hes sorry and doesn't want me to be tired of being his friend. So we leave it pretty positive, but with the understand that there is more to be said.

Fast forward to Saturday. I send a text message in the afternoon saying that later on it might be a good idea to just go ahead and finish up the above conversation. So that finally happens via phone call, which I don't really prefer. There is just something about looking the person you are talking to in the eye. No matter the subject. Anyways, basically he tells me:
1. he is extremely attracted to me, thinks I'm great, awesome, etc, etc
2. doesn't see us ever dating
3. doesn't see himself with me in 10 years
4. he just doesn't "feel it," but he did at first, but now he doesn't
5. he doesn't see our lives going in the same direction
6. he really cares about me, a lot. he really does
My reaction is nothing short of disbelief. We were definately not on the same page. I don't understand why he is feeling the need to make that sort of decision, especially when I was under the impression that we were haning out getting to know each other as friends. I didn't know I was supposed to be making a decision on 3 or 4 weeks of randomly hanging out with Guy if I wanted to date him or not. I just don't understand his need to make that decision either way. And really nothing seemed to line up. Oh and the fact that one of his friends has been feeding him information, things I have said to someone else. I think it is a little lost in translation. But his conclusions are inaccurate. He said he had been freaking out about some things, things he had been hearing from this person. Things that aren't at all correct, so I'm confused as to how someone can make an accurate judgement based on things like that. Needless to say that conversation was not completed due to dead phone batteries, and I am still waiting to hear about when we might be finishing it. We'll see if we can get some clarity. It just really seems that the situation got blown way out of proportion, and the conversation last night shouldn't have ever had to happen. Things shouldn't have gotten all complicated and weird. People are right when they say communication is key.

Things with Jason are fine. We talk every few days, and I am feeling like we are actually communicating again. Which is nice. It was hard and sad to realize that you and one of your very best friends in the world were growing apart and you couldn't seem to just talk to each other. Enter the communication is key thing again. Who knew that was so important?? ha.

I am watching Extreme Makeover Home Edition and crying my eyes out. My stupid issues and misunderstandings are minor to what this family is dealing with. A 28 year old man is raising 3 daughters under the age of 6 becuase his wife died in her sleep. He went up to bed after her one night and found her there. He said "She died alone. She shouldn't have died alone. I was supposed to take care of her." It is heart-wrenching, so I need to go watch and get out all my emotions. So thats an update on my life. Some of you knew all of that, some knew none, and I'm sorry if things are vague, but I always write too much and I tried to be brief, but informative. I'm sorry if it sounded like a diary entry or something. Okay I'm really done now and its time for studying and EMHE. This show makes my heart happy. Happy Sunday.