i possibly seem crazy

Okay, so reading the past blogs has been interesting. I have been pouring my little heart out. Thanks for humoring me by reading about it.

So I thought way too hard about things probably, but thats just something I'm cursed with. I mean is there anyone out there who wouldn't overthink that situation, it being all full of strange interactions and no complete conversation? Well some of you probably wouldn't think anything about it, but just bear with me. Just sucks when you feel like you are being pushed away or ignored or whatever. I hate having ruffled feathers with anybody, I just like things to be good, so when something like this happens I probably try too hard to make it right again. So I'm just sitting on the situation. Thats the only thing I know to do, I don't know how to try to be this person's friend becuase it doesn't seem like they want to talk to me or be around me, so I'm not exactly sure what to do. I'm not sure how receptive they are, etc, etc. Thats all. I think someday things will be regular again. I'm sorry if I've been saying the same thing over and over again. Its just been on the brain and what can you do?

I took my very last final today. It was the weirdest thing ever. 18th Century British Literature, and it ate my lunch. I mean I think I did fine, but it was hard and took some serious time to finish. But I did! Then I went and got my graduation "regalia" (I think that is a funny word) which was surreal, not to mention expensive. I talked to a teacher about grad schools today, I'm growing up and I'm terrified. I'm pretty sure I had a nervous breakdown last night from stress and emotions and reality in general. I would give details, but I think the description sounds pathetic and I would hate to add that to my slowly deteriorating image here on blogger. I hope you people know I'm not nuts, just overly concerned about my relationships with others becuase I think relationships just make things more worthwhile, and a little emotional about the whole "welcome to the rest of your life" kind of thing. Enter nervous breakdown and frantic praying. I'm not one to usually pray out loud when I'm alone, but I grabbed Beary and held on for dear life while I prayed out loud last night. I prayed for calm, for comfort and I apologized profusely for trying to do this thing alone. I also prayed for me not to weird out so much, for things to snap back into perspective and for other people in my life (yeah I know, DUH, how come I haven't been taking full advantage of that one for the past week and a half??). Its been a long time since I realized how powerful prayer was. I really have to work on that. It calmed me down a lot.

Then I had a splitting headache and proceeded to recognize that I still had HOURS of studying to do.

Me and Ashley tried Denny's, but alas everyone in there was annoying the heck out of us. It seemed like the people in the kitchen couldn't stop dropping the metal spatulas or something and the other people there "studying" sounded a lot like the Wicked Witch of the West when they laughed. It was a full on cackle. After two cokes and two coffees we gave up, drove through Whataburger (which was deserted) and came back to my house where we tried working but both ended up doing some sleeping. It all came out in the wash though.

My nose is a little stuffy because it is freezing cold outside so I've started with the sudafed. Its so funny to go and buy that now; They take your driver's license and your fingerprints and do a blood test and make you walk the line and do a background check and ask you for your great-aunt's maiden name. All so they can make sure you are not a drug czar wanting the generic sudafed so you run your meth lab in a double wide outside the city limits in order to fund excursions to small South American villages. Well really they just need your driver's lisence, but it sure did take forever. I also got anti-viral Kleenex, cough syrup and NyQuil, which I've never taken before, but sometimes when I'm stuffy I have trouble sleeping, so maybe that will help?

Okay I have a runny nose and I'm going to eat some soup and get ready to watch Lost. I cannot wait. It will be sublime. I hope everyone is keeping warm tonight, I'm going to sit on my couch and be snug as a bug in my puffy leopard print comforter. Try not to be too jealous. Sidenote: I keep hearing this sound from the next apartment over and it sounds like someone is taking a jackhammer to their toilet or something. Having some real issues I guess. Ew. Lots of wintery love.