you can change your mind

I have a hole in my head. It is true, Dr. Bourland drilled into my head this morning, but it is okay now. I have one less hole in my head, the taste of rubber gloves and dental sealant in my mouth, and one more cavity to be filled. My face was numb for HOURS today. HOURS. It was crazy, but completely funny, you'd have though they had given me laughing gas too, but no, just novicane.

Guess what movie I am watching? Yeah. You're right. How did you guess?

I worked part of the day today at the Arrangement. I don't believe I have any sort of work tomorrow. Maybe I will go to the driving range. That might be nice. What an idea!

Tonight I saw V for Vendetta. Very good. Loved it. (Buuum, bum-bum-bum-bum-bum, bum-bum, buuum, buuum, buuuuuuuum). That was my bad rendition of Tchaikovsky. I also filled out two job applications and made a to-do list. Sooo ambitious, I know. But it is something right?

Brrrrrrrrrr. I keep getting chills. Last night I had this horrible dream during which I was chased by a lion. I don't often have scary dreams, but this one was one of those that you jump awake from and your heart is beating fast and you can't hardly close your eyes again.

I would truly like to reflect on a few things right now, but I don't know what to say. I have spoken before of feeling that I have lost something, but it is proves difficult to lose something you never had in the first place, doesn't it? Maybe it is the recognition of the knowledge that what you thought you had was simply an elaborate fiction made up by and bought into by you or some other party for instant gratification. Sudden fulfillment. The quick fix. But the fix established to be the most untrustworthy. I guess I am now thinking it was all a silly game. That is all. Which makes me sad; I guess I thought it was bigger than that. And maybe it is. I would like that, please. But we will see. Yes.

Tomorrow is a Wednesday. But I like Wednesdays again, remember? If you have a chance tomorrow, say a little prayer for me, doesn't have to be anything big, I promise, something small, just a little thought will suffice. I feel as if I'm needing some extra support. I'll say a little prayer for you too. And I will think of you. I always do.

Have you ever had a whole scenario recorded in your head and you play it out the way you think it might happen, and it either never happens at all or it happens nothing like the way you pictured, and then you think of your scenario and feel completely silly? I have.

A girl likes to get crossed in love now and then. It gives her something to think of. A sort of distinction amongst her companions...You're free to go off and get jilted.

Reading: A Purpose Driven Life