how do you bust the clouds

Well another Wednesday come and gone. It is everything I expected and nothing I hoped for. Today was cloudy. This post will probably be all over the place becuase my head is all over the place.

This afternoon I met with my boss at school to find out when exactly the world of unemployment would open its arms to me. Nothing was really decided for certain, but it looks like it could be as early as next Wednesday. See I have this thing about Wednesdays.

Next Thursday afternoon I will be going to College Station to visit Becca. I am excited. Last year we went while she interviewed for grad school, and we also went to some shows during the Northgate Music Festival. Looks like we'll be doing that again only minus the whole grad school interview thing. So if anyone needs a ride to College Station on a Thursday afternoon, lemme know, it will be fun.

This afternoon I said some things as jokes and I think they were taken seriously. Today I experienced some feelings that I would like to write about, but I'm not going to right now. I don't know, sometimes I get to talking about feelings or emotions or reactions and I just go on and on. I think that is becuase I know this is the chance I have to say something, otherwise you'll never know, now will you? There are some occasions that I wish I could be completely candid. But we can't ever really do that huh? Not very ladylike, but sometimes you just want to blurt out what you are thinking, one of those just so you know things. You don't expect a reaction necessarily, but you just have to get it out of your head. I had that today. I will might have it tomorrow too. But I don't expect to be able to say anything. It isn't like it is bad. It is good; well it can be I guess. I don't know. Maybe I will say it.

Remeber that time when we were friends? Yeah, it was awhile ago.

On Grey's Anatomy two weeks ago Meredith said to McDreamy, "I don't remember what it was like the last time we kissed," (or something to that effect). So I'm pretty sure that plenty of people thought back to see if they could remember the last kiss they had received/given and what it was like. Or maybe that was just me, but I would have a hard time believing I was the only one. Meredith and McDreamy's last kiss together was a "comfortable" one, those brief ones that say "I'll see you later," those "I'm leaving for work" ones. We've all had them, we've all loved them, we've all hated them. Do you remember the last kiss you gave/received? I do. I thought of it then (well and obviously I'm thinking of it know) and kind of smiled. I think becuase it was one of those "comfortable type" ones too. But it was a suprise "comfortable type" one, unexpected, and those are almost just as cool as those ones that cause a crack in the planet. Quick, almost effortless, not quite enough time to respond properly to but just enough time to respond sufficiently to. Those that barely interrupt whatever else it is you are doing and fit in the situation no matter how odd the situation might be and they are still comfortable no matter if you will ever kiss that person again. Weird to think about I guess. One of those things you don't think about for too long otherwise you want it again....Ha, or maybe you want it again anyways, I don't know. Thinking about those things are funny to me. This has been a silly paragraph, but it has been kind of fun to write. eek.

I saw and talked to someone today who made me smile. They have always been kind to me though we haven't spent much time together, especially recently, but I truly appreciate the kindness. It seems sincere maybe that is why. I guess they could be fooling me, but I'm not going to be that jaded, just becuase I was fooled before. I have no idea if they read this or not, probably not, so maybe I will say thanks someday for real.

I went to a "lecture" tonight. I liked it. Afterwards I sat at a table for awhile and just wrote everything down that I was thinking in my head, most of which I'm not sure had anything to do with what was said. But it didn't seem to get any more empty. Sometimes I feel so full. I haven't always been like this. Well to a certain extent, but it never used to bother me the way it does now. I don't mind being full, I'm really okay with it, I just mind when being full bothers me. I shouldn't let it anymore. I just kept writing until there were only about 12 people left in the room. Then I realized I was the only person sitting down, and since I had come alone and didn't know anyone in there anymore I figured I might should leave. There was one sentence said tonight that served as a bit of a "thought catalyst" for me. I think I just related to what the person was saying they had felt. That was nice to experience.

I rode in my car and yelled. Sometimes I like to yell.

I don't think I have anything else to say. I'm sure I could think of something, but this has been all over the place anyways, so I will stop.