in this ordinary moonlight

It has been a few days. Like five. I have done everything and nothing in that time. Last week ended better than it began. Much more exciting, at least I got some socialization. I loved that part.

I went to Dallas to visit Linds this weekend (YAY!). It was great. I left Abilene a bit late on Friday though so I didn't get to her apartment until close to 8. It was rainy and sort of chilly, but it turned out to be nice the rest of the night. We went down to Deep Ellum to watch a band. We missed them. Whoops. We went north instead of south. That will make a big difference when you are trying to get somewhere. But it was okay because we saw people that we knew afterwards and talked to them. Ended up going to a little cafe thing and sat with three people we had just met (from ACU). It could have been potentially awkward, but they were super nice and it was pretty fun to talk to new people, and good to see people I already knew.

Okay, so I had this weird experience while there. There is this girl, okay, we will call her Sally. Now, I've seen Sally in similar social situations before, besides the face that I actually had a class with Sally. So Sally (in class) would always look at me a little funny (not funny-haha, funny-mean) when I would walk into class, despite the fact that I would smile or say hi while walking down the row to my seat. I always thought that was a little odd, but didn't think too seriously about it. So at these functions, I've again done the smiling thing, and I get nothing. NOTHING. Not even acknowledgement of my presence, despite the fact that she sat one row over and one seat in front of me. Seriously??? How hard is it to be a little cordial? That is when I thought it was a little more that odd. Okay, so the story about the other night is I walk inside from being outside and old Sally gives me the nastiest look! Blatently. I kid you not. It actually startled me. How often do you look up into a restaraunt of people and see one or two sending death rays your way? Yeah someone else had joined in on the fun. (But I had been around that person another time too and they just looked like they were trying to figure out what I was doing there so maybe that was the face they were making). Maybe it is just her "resting face" and she gives everyone those kinds of looks. I sure hope so, becuase I'm not exactly sure what I did to her, I don't think we've ever spoken. I just thought it was weird. I have the sneaking suspicion I have been stereotyped, and that is okay. Funny how we are so willing to do that to people. Anyways, maybe I have misunderstood Sally, I would like to give her the benefit of the doubt, and in the big scheme of things I really don't care what her opinion of me is, but she could at least put on a polite face. We're all civilzed people here.

Second weird situation. So there is someone who I used to talk to quite a bit, but (it seemed like all of the sudden) then nothing. Even when I just say hi I feel awkward and like they are being put out by speaking to me. Weeeeeeird. I decided just to keep saying hi and being friendly. I mean what else is there to do? Don't know why I felt the need to share that.

I do not have road rage, I just get annoyed when stupid people drive.

There is a third weird "situation," but I think it is me being neurotic about common courtesies, so I will think about it some more, and if I feel less like a pin-head I will tell you about it. So more than likely you will hear about it later on this week.

I tried to keep my head on straight, I think I get a gold star. You can have one too.

I had an interesting week even though I look at it and feel like I overslept the entire time. I had some funny things happen. I heard some funny things. Some silly things, some fun things, some sad things, some things that made me smile in a really weird way. Some spontanaeity--that was great, I might try that again...Had some nice conversations, heard some interesting comments. Giggled quite a bit. Some things happened that suprised me, and caught me off guard, and made me look at things differently. (This is vague, sorry about that, I just don't feel the need to be uber-specific) Lots of things happened that I didn't expect, but that I was suprisingly comfortable with. I want all of this week to be interesting. Lets make it happen.

Emotional detachment. Do we actually have that capacity? And why do we want to be that way? Isn't that sort of cheating at life? Emotions are scary, especially when you feel them strongly. Those ones that almost jump up in your throat and make your gut feel weird. Someone was talking to me about that last week, and that got me thinking about it when I was driving from Dallas today. They just seemed suprised about how strongly they felt a few things, or at least just not sure what to do with the fact that they did feel those things the way they did. I think part of them wanted to push away and part of them just wanted to get lost in it. I didn't really know what to say in return. I don't think I was much help. Hmmm.

I need to just "be" sometimes.
I don't know what I'm talking about anymore.
I'm done thinking now.
I've re-thought my week.
Re-thinking it was silly.
But I didn't care.

I can't wait to run tomorrow. I think next time I will write less. New York Super Fudge Chunk is the best.