feelin good, feelin great; feelin great, feelin good, how are you?

I'm sitting here eating Sour Patch Watermelons about to watch Must Love Dogs. I went to the So Percussion performance tonight at school and it was really good. It is funny in situations like that, how people "watch" music. Some just sit, some tap their feet, some bob their heads. I'm a head bobber. And you don't realize you are doing it until you see someone else doing it and then you think about it and realize you are totally guilty too and then you smile to yourself and keep going.

It is thundering outside and it is peaceful. The rain has had a calming effect on me and I love that. Though I have been a little stressed and worried and just frustrated with so many things, specifically where my life is headed as far as job, career, grad school, etc, etc. WOW, it just lightning-ed and thundered super loud. I'm glad I'm indoors though I think I will open my blinds so I can watch and listen. The lights keep flickering too. YIKES! Anyways, I know to pray about it and I know and truly believe that things will work out fine, but I can't help my worries. Okay, the thunder is past the point of peaceful and is starting to scare me now. No lie, it shook my couch. I wish it would rain again as well as thunder. Back on track here...I know I will find something, I just feel so in-between. (The rain just started....awesome) When I talked to Joel (the dear friend from last night's post) so many things came out of my head, just concerns about the whole "grown-up" thing, and what we have to do in this life. I don't know. Sometimes I feel like I think too much, worry too much about what I'm going to do with the time I'm given, not only where am I going to take myself but where am I going to take others...sometimes I feel like one of those "tortured-soul" type persons, but I don't think that is the case. I said that to Joel and he told me that I didn't qualify as a tortured-soul type person, but that the tortured-soul type person is the one who wakes up when they are 45 and realizes they haven't thought about any of that stuff. (Okay so he was more articulate, but you get the point.)

I used to let the small things consume me, and that is still true sometimes. But I have started thinking that is only because I seek to be content. I don't ever want to be comfortable, I want to feel challenged and like there is something out there for me change or be changed by. Maybe that is weird or idealistic, but I've never thought of myself as an idealist.

The rain is slowing down and I with it. The computer is making my legs really hot, though it probably doesn't help that I am covered up with a blanket. Ha. The past few days I have been in a really happy state. I realized that I love loving, (doesn't matter what kind), but I do get frustrated with unrequited love (doesn't matter what kind). But I also realized that not everyone loves the same way, so I need to cut people some slack. It is that whole relationship thing I seem to keep coming back to. I love friends. Love them. To pieces. Relationships are great and wonderful, but they can be work. Sometimes a lot of work, sometimes a little work. I guess I'm just saying that I'm always willing to put in the work. I don't know, that was totally random and maybe it will make more sense tomorrow and I will clarify or something.

Right now I'm going to watch my movie. I also got Boondock Saints, which I love. Okay, if nothing else, it should bring back all kinds of memories from Oxford, and how it seemed to be on in House 9 for like 2 weeks straight for some reason. It was Oxford weather today. I missed being there. Such a completely different time for me. I would love to go again and see things through the eyes I have now. The eyes I had then were totally cool too, I just know I would take away new and great things. There will always be a place in my heart....someday I will be back there.

5 to 9, magnum bars, navy sweats, birks, Que Pasa, Summertown, the market, our balcony.