your guess is as good as mine

Okay, 25 minutes left at work. This is what I will do with my time. The work I have done this afternoon has been tedious...fixing stuff online, just formatting, etc., but for some reason things aren't getting posted the way they should, and I just don't think it looks that great, so I've been working on it. Today I suppose I will be saying farewell to my college job. Not going to lie, I'm a little weirded out.

It is beautiful outside, and I hate the fact I have been inside all day. I would like to go to the park, lay on a blanket and just read or take a nap or look at the clouds. Wouldn't that be nice? Yes, yes it would. I wish I could have just hung out today. Just run errands if I wanted, go outside if I wanted, hang out with people if I wanted, or alone too, go to Mary's and get ice cream or a fruit bar or a drink. Anything. But I've been pretty much alone today and inside looking out. I kind of always feel like I'm inside looking out though.

There have been about a zillion ideas run through my head today, and I feel like I've thought seriously about all of them. Thought them around and around and around. So I don't know where to start. I just feel like something is changing. I don't know. Maybe it is just me. Maybe it is just the weather. I've felt so spastic lately. Just all over the place--emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically--I need some zen or something. So I turned on "Circle of Life" from The Lion King. Remember when we saw The Lion King in London? How great was that, we were like little kids. I want to go back and play on the lions in Trafalgar Square. Do you ever just feel ridiculous? I have several times this week. When you think or someone says something or looks at you funny and it just sets off this self-concious thing in your brain and you feel ridiculous for all of your previous actions or words? Just plain silly, and you feel like it was pointless. What a deflating feeling. (Now we are listening to "Kiss the Girl" from The Little Mermaid ) I am not explaining myself very well. Its more than just feeling silly, maybe it is more self-conciousness more than anything. Then everything around you tends to drive you just nutso. I'll have to think about that one some more and come up with a better explanation. Although I heard the funniest observation today, I might share it sometime, but now I am just going to laugh to myself about it.

Okay 10 minutes, so this will wrap up about now. Still so much unsaid. Lots of springtime love.

Listening: A Disney Smorgasborge-not really a CD, but you get my point.