could we take a walk?

So I didn't really eat anything but lunch today so I was super hungry a little bit ago. I decided to eat some tuna, garlic and herb flavored. When I was putting it on the plate I guess I dripped some tuna juice on my foot, so not only do I have rank breath (garlic and herb tuna, really??), but I am pretty sure that I smell of tuna, even though I washed my foot off. Yikes. I have not been feeling well the past week or so. I'm trying so much herbal tea to help chill. I'll let you know how it goes.

Today was Camille and Marcos' Abilene wedding shower and it was so fun to see them and everyone who was there to support them. Both of their families have been in Abilene for so long and have so many close friends here who you can tell are just so happy for them. It was great.

I guess I haven't said anything since Friday afternoon, whoa, what is the world coming to?? Anyways, not a whole lot happened, I kind of feel weirdo, but I'm hoping it will go away soon and I will just be happy again. Maybe me not feeling good has something to do with my overall mood being weirdo too.

There is a lot going on. Not necessarily in the superficial sense, as in stuff to do, it just seems like there is a lot for me to take in right now. Just trying to figure out where I fit in. If I fit in. If I can fit in. If I'm wanted to fit in. I feel the need for some general reassurance. It would make me feel more comfortable, though, but I know we can only ask for so much, and we can only give so much, and there has to be a point where we realize that we are giving all that we can give and that the "other" is giving all they can give at that point. I need a lot less than people think, it is the little things that matter. I love the little things. Baby steps.

I just want so badly to be comfortable, I mean within reason. Comfortable within the realm of what is realistic. I guess I would just prefer feelings of reassurance over those of constant uncertainity (who wouldn't???), and maybe that is just a personal issue. It is more than possible that I have no reason to feel uncertain. There is no exact way things should happen or exact way things should go, and I know that, and I'm okay with that, I really really am. It may boil down to the age old need to feel needed and wanted, in so many different capacities, not just the obvious.

I just hate having to feel like I need to dull my feelings, or ignore them, or that I even have to think about them within certain perameters instead of just feeeeeeeeling them. That is the funny thing about feelings, they seem to lose their innocence when you have to think about them too much. Maybe I'm the one with the romanticized view of things. That may make absolutely no sense to anyone but me. Ha. Sorry. I would like for things to be siiiiimple.

Ohhhhh weeeellllll. I know it will be "okay," it is just getting to that point. It all comes out in the wash. I really don't feel that badly, I was good to go for awhile and so when things got shaken up I said "ACK!" Overall things are good. Things in life are new and exciting right now and that is fun and scary and cool and funny and silly and ridiculous and happy and worriesome and great all in one fail swoop! (Imagine me smiling, cause it is oooooookay). Monday is tomorrow, a new day!!! I am thankful for new days. I am glad we are given new days. Things to do, I will do things and it will be good. Last GRE prep class too. All we have to do is a practice test, so that means I get out early!!!

Watching: Stepmom