hello you, hello me

I'm just going to make one of my great lists, I like that way of talking sometimes for some reason, it keeps things simple. I'm in a great mood, so this isn't meant to be "intense" or overly brooding, so just in case you weren't going to, read it with that in mind.

my mouth still hurts, it feels swollen and i'm tired but it is not very comfortable to yawn.
restlessness hit about 11 p.m., i'm pretty sure that has something to do with the three hour nap i took when i was trying to esacpe the mouth discomfort.
i thought about calling but i did not. i did not know if it was the right time. maybe that is silly, but it is true.
tomorrow is wednesday and i'm hoping i like it okay.
i like the perfume i have on right now.
one thing about being married that i am looking forward to, whenever that happens and whoever that happens with, is grocery shopping together; i think it will be so fun to put on sweats and go to the store with you, i hope that you let me push the cart through the store becuase i love doing that, and i will stand on the cart in the parking lot and you can push me and i will fly down the aisle and hopefully not run in to any cars.
i have been on some sort of high for the past 4 days, and i hope it lasts.
puh-lease.
i am ready to just sit and watch a few movies every now and then.
being friends can be such hard work sometimes, but we have to work for the good stuff sometimes, huh? that makes it a-okay.
don't ever let the dentist use the big drill on your mouth, it will vibrate your whole head and make you feel weird the whole rest of the day.
ew.
sometimes i worry that i'm not strong enough.
i still want to dance.
the aquarium scene in romeo+juliet makes me want the secret heart jumping that comes from looks like that; those are pretty cool sometimes, i think they are a guilty pleasure for most everyone.
i don't want to feel selfish and i am trying not to do thing that will make me feel that way.
i am missing.
sometimes you just need that different kind of companionship, but it is hard to find.
i am looking for stuff. hopefully not in vain.
all i've heard for the past 2 hours is music and it has calmed by brain but stirred up my heart.
having some advice that i would love to share, but i not knowing how to share it becuase i'm not sure i'm accepted in that capacity, is weird and makes me feel a little selfish for thinking i might know how to help, but i wish i could help anyways; i like to help.
just letting go of things, sometimes that helps. i'm trying it, we can try it together.
i am terribly thankful for new friends, old friends and friends who are somewhere in the middle.
in answer to a question asked of me yesterday: i have no idea what is keeping me connected, not a clue, it is just something, and maybe it will be made obvious to me that i should just let it go, but you know i fight that so until then, i'm hanging on and hanging out, even though sometimes it is confusing and hurts and sometimes seems like it isn't fulfilling in any capacity, there is something to be said for sticking it out.
maybe i should just let go of it, but honestly, i don't worry about it like i used to, i feel more content about it and have for awhile, and i would just like for the contentment to manifest itself and allow things to be just plain awesome.
something said to me on saturday scared me, reached inside me and ripped my heart out, but the same thing took my little heart and consoled it; it was the strangest and most unnvering feeling, i'm sorry i can't think of any other way to share it.
i want things to feel surreal again.
as much as i know what you mean, and as much as i agree, part of me thinks/wants differently, and not super differently, just barely differently.
i have realized there is something to be said for giving in to something a little bit, even though you might think you aren't ready; i wish it was that easy, but i of all people know it isn't.
i would like for someone to tell me when i'm supposed to know that i'm "ready" for things; it would be incredibly helpful. :)

I have yet to figure out why saying things in little spurts makes it seem easier. Maybe just because I get to talk in incomplete sentences and use improper punction (ooohhhh, I'm really letting loose, watch out!). I really don't feel that all deep-and-tortured-soul right now, but just didn't want to feel shallow. You know how I don't like shallow. Ha. Being so happy the last few days (from whatever source) has been great, I want to share it with you! It is late and I have laundry to do in the morning. Ewwwww. So happy Tuesday night and Wednesday, tomorrow we'll talk about Wednesdays.

Loving things, but hating the swollen mouth.

Watching: Romeo+Juliet