once i wanted to be the greatest

It is Tuesday night. Well, officially Wednesday, but for all practical purposes, Tuesday night. My internal clock is completely out of whack. I mean irrefutably (I just really wanted to use that word, and I'm not sure I spelled it correctly...) messed up. Monday I slept until 12:30 in the afternoon (I wasn't feeling well, so it isn't like I was totally worthless-just mostly), went to work at school for about an hour, came home, read a chapter in a book and ended up sleeping for another 2 hours. Who know one person could be so sleepy?? Needless to say last night I was wide awake watching TV at 2:30 a.m. when I finally told myself that I should at least go lay in bed and see what happens. So I did. And I fell asleep until 9:30 this morning when I began the dangerous cycle of snooze-and-roll. I did the snooze-and-roll for about two and a half hours. Ridiculous I know. I was actually totally worthless. So then I just take forever to get ready and go downtown to the Arrangement to set up a work schedule. It was nutso around there, which is only going to get worse with Valentine's Day coming up. I will probably have rose thorns stuck in my fingers for about a week before Valentine's Day, but it will be okay becuase I am hopefully going to learn a ton about floral design! I am really looking forward to that because I love flowers and the way they make people feel. I mean think about it, you give someone flowers and it makes you feel happy, you receive flowers from someone and you are happy. For me I am just amazed at some flowers, they are so delicate and intricate, a true testament to the brilliance of creation. Those were the past few days in a nutshell. You're speechless, I'm sure.

Tomorrow I'm going to work at school for a bit. Hopefully there will be something to do. I may resort to filing or helping with the clipping and photocopying, although all of those tasks always leave me with a ton of papercuts. Oh yeah, please watch this clip and laugh:
http://www.youtube.com/w/Lazy-Sunday?v=HNKE4Fr03jU&search=lazy%20sunday
some of you will probably find it funnier than others. But I laughed. Enjoy. Since I can't give you flowers, I'm giving you that instead.

Sunday I went to church at Highland and Jerry Taylor spoke. I really enjoyed it for a few reasons, one being I enjoy his speaking, his style I guess. He is fun to listen to, and people always "Amen," "Praise God," "Hallelujah," 'Thank you Jesus" when he speaks, granted he asks for "a little bit of help" but I think it is great that he gets reaction. Anyways, he spoke about heavenly citizenship. I think one of my favorite things he said was "we do not live in the context of memory, but in the context of sanctified imagination." He addressed the tension we feel as we are pulled forward by the hope that is heaven but pulled back by our past lives, mistakes, etc, but that it is essential to walk in the salvation of today. Something that hit me pretty hard was that all I am is what I am today, right now...I guess it goes back to everyday being a new day (see post below). I mean when push comes to shove, I am not what I hope to be tomorrow, at the end of the day this is me, today is what I've got and I have to live in that and make that as much as I can and revel in the fact that heaven is in the future and be excited about it. (Sorry, that sentence was a run-on in so many ways, but that is just how it came out of my head...love me anyways though I am such a comma splicer) I am still processing the whole thing, but it was a nice message to hear Sunday, it was funny how some of the things I said in my blog really corresponded with what was being said and the scripture referenced. I smiled to myself.

There is something about going to church alone that makes me sad and lonely. I don't ever feel uncomfortable or out of place or anything, but it is nice to have someone you know sitting with you sometimes. But it is okay, I am getting to do a lot of things alone this semester, and I think I had better get used to that. I know I won't always have someone there to sit by me or anything, and sometimes I revel in that, but sometimes I just feel alone. Which isn't necessarily bad, just different. I guess I am just hoping to get myself fully comfortable with it becuase when I move from here, it will be highly likely that I will not know a ton of people. I think that is something we all know about "life after college" but I don't know if we always conciously think about it. I'm probably trying to hard to transition myself into "big girl-hood."

I don't know what else to write really. I'm still running and developing a love for it. (love-hate, but leaning toward love). Somehow I ended up coming back from my parents' house with a white headband. Like the ones tennis players wore back when John McInroe was cool. I wear it and feel like Richie Tenenbaum. Next I will buy a fur coat and a polo dress and smoke a cigarette. I guess that is it.

Mr. Pibb + red vines = crazy delicious.