ba ba ba ba ba, the joy of cola

I am addicted to Coke (A Cola). I'm not even kidding. Mary Beth wants to marry stuffed crust pizza, I want to marry a can of Coke. I'm addicted and admitting to your addiction is the first step right? And I know it is bad for you to drink too much Coke, I should definatley drink more water, but how about I just leave my Coke intake the same and drink more water? That'll work right? That is all I'm willing to give right now, maybe someday I will be super inspired to quite drinking Cokes, but I don't see that day coming anytime soon. :)

What else? Another Wednesday come and gone. It was alright. It was nice and cloudy today, I was really hoping we would get rain...the kind where it rains when the sun is out too. I love that so much. I know I've talked about it before, sorry.

I rediscovered the girls of Sex and the City this afternoon. It has been quite entertaining. I'm about to watch more of it. And probably more tomorrow. I need a snack. And a smoke (Carrie is rubbing off on me), although I know I will never need to smoke. Maybe I will go and drink a Coke too for good measure.

Watching: Sex and the City the complete third season

please don't crazy if i tell you the truth

"Be sure that the ins and outs of your individuality are no mystery to Him; and one day they will no longer be a mystery to you." The Problem of Pain, C.S. Lewis

I sought some words of wisdom this evening and I kept coming back to this. It fits well right now. There is much going on, and in everything I find there is absolutely nothing. I feel an incredibly strong pull right now, or maybe it is a push, toward something, and I'm not sure how to execute what I feel like I'm supposed to be or whatever. (I know that probably makes no sense) It will come, or I will go to it--that might be the more apropos phrasing. I do not know. I should probably just put faith in doing things the way I am and just keep on going. I just know what I feel like I should be doing and I am not exactly sure I am getting it done. Like I said I should just put faith in the fact that what I'm doing is what is right for right now. I'm not one of those people who has ever really felt "put" in a place by God. I've never gone anywhere or done anything becuase I felt like God was pointing my life in that direction. I've just figured out that I fit there after the fact. Not sure I would quite call that blind faith, but I suppose I did just put faith in the fact that I was getting somewhere or doing something at all.

I needed words of wisdom and I thought I would share. They gave me some comfort, like a hug or a smile (the kind without teeth, the kind that you see in someone's eyes more than on their face), a reminder, a refocus to what I'm ultimately seeking. Having perception of self through spiritual identity. In a nutshell. So basic, yet so easily lost. Sometimes you don't even realize that you have lost it. It is something that has been weighing me down pretty heavily for awhile now. I couldn't figure out what it was, then came the proverbial anvil. A few posts ago I talked about a priority list--this is at the top.

Lewis just happens to be more concise, his 2 lines to my 20.....

I'm listening to the thunder.

p.s. I was really excited about the banana/coconut frappuccino at starbucks...vanilla still wins

if it looks like it works, and it feels like it works, then it works

not sure i agree with that or not. i've seen stuff that looked like it worked, and felt like it worked, but it totally did not work. nice principle though. it'll get you through the day.

anyways, i went to my parents' house this weekend. the little sister graduated from high school. i feel SO old. (23--what?????--birthday in 21 days for anyone keeping track). regardless, it was pretty fun actually. andrews h.s. does outdoor graduation in the stadium, old-school-small-town type thing. it rained. the entire time. it was really funny though. i think i laughed through most of it. it was raining these HUGE raindrops and the wind was out of control so the kids kept losing their hats and the ushers had to chase them down and the poor acapella choir sang but you couldn't hear anything because the wind was blowing in the microphones. then after all the pompous and circumstantial you go down on the field and find your respective graduate and take as many pictures as possible. which we did. and because my parents are the way they are we were inevitably the last ones there chit chatting with whomever. it is funny going to andrews becuase no one really knows me since i've never really lived there. they just see this girl (me) standing with my parents and usually get a confused look on their face because they know i look a little like steph (little sister) but i'm definately not her so either they introduce themselves or ask "oh is this your other daughter??" or continue in a conversation with my parents casting me sideways glances trying to figure out if i'm the estranged cousin or something. it is funny. even 5 years later.

saw the da vinci code. eh. it was good i guess, maybe i just wasn't as thrilled becuase i've read the book a few times and knew all the "suprising" stuff. but it was quite nice to see the louvre and london...i miss those days. i left the theatre wishing for a night in paris.

this afternoon i played 9 holes of golf with my dad and another father-daughter set. i was terrible. i redefined terrible, although as we progressed i got a TON better. but it was still fun i guess. excitement on the links: rattlesnake in the middle of the fairway of hole 6. it was large and unhappy. i was pretty sure it was going to jump into the cart next to me. snakes can sort of "leap" right?? (sometimes i have an overactive imagination...) regardless, it was gross and very snakey.

Listening: Final Straw, Snow Patrol

this time around

Wendesday is over. Okay, and it really wasn't too bad. :) Ummmm. I thought I had a bunch to say. but I'm over it I think. Here are a few things though: I think I may have taken too many painkillers...I am truly becoming lackidaysical (don't ask me how to actually spell that) and completely absent-minded and I'm kind of freaking out about it. So if your phone rings in the middle of the night, try and answer, it is me calling you because I'm ill. I really think I'm fine, I'm just freaked out about it a little, because if I actually did take two in 45 minutes I could be doing the technicolor yawn for hours. And that would suck. So far I feel fine though, we'll keep our fingers crossed. I really am losing my mind though, I need some sort of beeper on everything becuase I keep losing things like keys, my phone, my glasses, etc, etc. What has gotten into me? Who am I kidding, I've always been a little scatterbrained about the little stuff.

Tonight I drove around by myself for an hour and a half. Yes, a total waste of gas and with gas money, but I prayed nearly the entire time. And maybe it is weird for me to share something like my prayer life (even though I'm not really sharing much) via blog, but it just felt right. I don't know. I've needed a sounding board the past few days, I've got a lot going around in my little brain, completely new things, and I've not had a situation in which to share them, or really anyone to share with. I have plenty of people to share with via phone or email, but sometimes that just doesn't feel right. So I'm holding onto my stuff until further notice, or until that situation reveals itself. There is a lot moving around in there, stuff I'd like to suss out at some point, things I'm really really excited about too. Oh man, am I excited. Big lessons for me right now: patience and self-control.

It is summertime, and I love summertime. With all of me. It is much different from last year at this time though. I miss the companionship I had. I just love the comfort of friends I guess. As much as I love being alone and doing things by myself, I still love being around others. I hope that when I move I can get that at some point. I know it takes work, but if it isn't worth working for is it really worth it? I don't know. Feeling lonely has been a struggle for me the past few months anyways. I know I'm in a state of transition, but I'm used to being able to take care of myself (I don't know how else to say it) and I've felt in desperate need of support lately. Which is unnerving to someone like myself I suppose. I'm seeking something different though, needing someone to lean on a little or maybe I 'm needing someone who can lean on me a little as well? Interesting thought. Either way, it all seems to be going back to the giving and recieving. Anyways, I said more than I intended. Tomorrow is Thursday, and who doesn't love Thursdays? Next time I think I will talk about pet peeves. We talked about those at work yesterday and I heard some funny ones, so I will share them.

Watching: Rumor Has It

my heart goin boom boom boom

Saturday Camille and Marcos got married. It was great. I couldn't be anymore happy for them. All the bests were back together for 4 whole days and that was pretty great too. We started on Thursday and stopped yesterday. A tiring, but wonderful 4 days spent.

The ceremony itself was so fun. Or at least I thought so. Everyone was comfortable, and truly happy and it was so personal and you just felt really involved in what was going on. Two great families have come together. Something that was discussed frequently Friday and Saturday was God bringing the two together, God's preparation of each individual for collaboration...it just made me think.

Weddings can do funny things to people. You know the cliche of weddings being great places for guys to get a date, that sort of thing. Going to weddings, especially those of close friends always makes me want that. That not being some random guy hitting on me, but that being the what weddings stand for. Not necessarily the wedding part, because I don't at all think I'm looking for marriage right now, but the unconditional love and the grace that is involved. Thankfully, we already get both of those regardless of our relationship status, but it isn't me thinking "I want someone to love me..." I think it is more wanting the giving and recieving, having the opportunity to give as well as recieve. Which may sound weird. I don't know. And it isn't only that, it is being involved in something so much bigger than yourself. Something that isn't shallow, something that is solid, meaningful and something that you have to work at. It isn't even that I'm searching for a relationship right now, or that finding a relationship is a top priority for me, it probably is not on my top five (yeah, I'm totally serious). If something comes along, I'm not going to fight with it, but I'm not actively seeking it. For me, it is just seeing the beauty of something like that and realizing that it is totally possible and can be completely within reach. I doubt I'm explaining myself very well so I will stop for right now. I'll clear it all up later.

I'm waiting for a box in the mail and trying to figure out what I will do with the rest of my day.

Watching: Fever Pitch

the sooner we are, the sooner the fun

only 15. holy moly.

i like staying busy. i should do this all the time.
it is playtime.
my back is burned. ouch.
and my little toe is seriously injured. its swollen and was bleeding earlier.
OUCH!
basically i'm falling apart.
but i couldn't be any happier doing it.

me and mill and papa perry got stranded on s. 14 and treadaway today in the green machine with two giant port-a-cools in the back end. which mill and i very successfully helped load. we are nothing short of muscle maniacs. we are girls, but we can load heavy things. the lady in the lane next to us was NOT nice. poindexter helped us push. well they pushed, mill steered, and i gave the mean lady dirty looks.

i have to get an early start tomorrow. i've got some prep work to do.

i love this part of spring. it was so nice outside today, and its beautiful outside right now, it is just great. it makes me glad. plus you can still see three planets, which is pretty dang cool too. i'm smiling for you.

i told her that i didn't know

happiness is.....

tonight.

today i had the weirdest experience, i was in the car and listening to music and all of the sudden it was like a brick wall hit me (not i hit a brick wall) and i started tearing up and then i just couldn't stop laughing. i am pretty sure anyone who was on the road with me thought i was heading to the funny farm. but i didn't care. (did i mention i was alone? hahaha). it was surreal, honestly. as much as some people don't like surreal, i like it. it was just good.

i figured it out. i should have written it down, but i didn't have anything to write with or on for that matter. i'm going to try to remember before i go to bed so i can tell you. i'm ready, lets talk, it is probably my turn. then it is your turn. i'm sorry if i don't let you have turns the way i should. it isn't fair. so maybe it is your turn first, then mine. i like talking. i like listening. i like me talking to you, but i also like you talking to me.

i'm excited but i'm not going to tell you about what becuase i'm afraid if i tell i might lose it. especially if i tell over blog. i will tell in person. not blog.

i love frank sinatra. since i have loved him since i was in middle school does that make me a huge dork? probably, but i was really into that era back then. not that i'm still not into that era. my favorite thing to dress up as is nancy sinatra. okay so i'm probably making myself even more dorky.

we listened to music tonight and it was great.
i heard words.
really heard people's words.
and i was really listened to.
i want to do that for someone tomorrow.
i like this.

tomorrow is wednesday. don't like wednesdays, but i'm thinking tomorrow will be salvagable.

Listening: Take Off Your Pants and Jacket, Blink-182

if i just lay here, would you lie with me and just forget the world?

i am having happy days. and i like that.
there are some people who can tell when i'm faking it.
but i really haven't been faking it, i've been happy.
who knows why?
i not very sure.
anticipation? :)

is it true that there are just some things that are better left unsaid? and unknown for that matter?
ignorance can be bliss, although, perspective changes with knowledge so i guess it is a give and take type thing.
i believe i have been lacking perspective.
i've been tried and found wanting--to steal a famous line.

this weekend got me to thikning:
the lack of saying or doing things causes frustration for me and just about everybody else on the planet probably.
as does knowledge.
as does over-reaction.
as does missing.
as does knowing that you aren't someone's person--to steal from grey's
there is probably someone out there who is completely apathetic to the people around them, i'm sure, but i don't know that person. although it might be interesting to meet them.
you know, sometimes people are there for you, and sometimes you are there for them, when do you get to be "there for each other?" you probably always are really, that was a dumb question, i guess you just don't always need each other in the same way at the same time?
i don't like shallow, except in swimming pools.
comfort zones are so funny.

the grey's anatomy season finale was on tonight.
it was great. sad, but also happy, but great.
i like the monologues in grey's. they speak to me. i'm a sucker for the metaphors i guess. eh.
ironically they used the fight or flight principle.
flight is obviously the easier choice of the two, unless you get chased down, ha...but i've come to the conclusion that i fight most of the time.
i'm not a very good flee-er. but i will admit i like it that way. i like to earn things, i like to work for what i get, even though i don't have to sometimes.
i'm not very good at knowing when to quit.
speaking of sometimes: sometimes i just want to yell at people, and i don't really yell. sometimes i just want to grab them by the shoulders and look them in the eye and say whats going on. (usually while i'm driving or in line at the grocery store or walking around the mall.....haha) okay i don't want to yell at anyone, i guess i just want to feel like they are listening. really listening. and being concientious.
i hope people know i'm really listening.

i thought george was profound this evening, haha, or at least his script writers were: "just becuase you can't say something doesn't mean you don't want to, you can want to very much." he's right. sometimes you just can't. i have empathy for george or whoever wrote the script.

there i go getting in too far again, sorry. i'll stick with the short weird stories.
i'm tired of watching tv.
i just want to go sit outside and talk and sit and stand and stare.
i feel like i'm under some sort of curfew.
i think i will play golf on wednesday.

you gotta help me out

short story:
today we went to mary's palateria (yum!) and then went to quizno's and we were driving back on ambler and right by fiesta foods it smells awful. drive by there, it stinks. like sewage. okay, so we are going through the light at ambler and pine and there is water all in the street. (oh yeah we had the top down on the car.)it splashes on my face and smells like sewage. i didn't get really all that much water on me, but it was the principle of the matter. yuck. but i laughed. then i found five dollars.

Listening: White Elephant, The White Stripes

all that noise

i am up way later than i should be since i have to work tomorrow.
but i didn't care.
suprise visits make fridays like today awesome.
i tend to leave sticks and leaves behind on my floor--they get stuck on the bottom of my jeans at work.
today work kind of drove me nutso, thank goodness for brooke.
i am bouncing off the walls.
some guy spent $200 on his girlfriend's birthday today. he was super funny, but in a ridiculous way.

"we're too excited to sleep!!"

riot in the streets

so pre-mother's day stuff is going on at work, and it is nutso. not as nutso as valentine's day, but still kinda crazy. i was at work until 11:15-ish tonight. thats a freaking long workday. and i have come to the (not so startling) conclusion that chuck taylors don't necessarily provide the best arch support for 16 hours on your feet. if you recall daffney from valentine's day posts, she is working right now too, and she is so funny. she is nothing but fresh air, and constantly makes me laugh. i love it.

i've decided i'm experiencing some sort of eomtional purge or something. like letting the bad air out. fung shui-ing (i know thats not spelled right, but i don't feel like google-ing right now) my spirit or something like that. or maybe this is just my inner-emo coming out to torture everyone i know. :) but seriously, this week has really been better than the past few. i've done many things out of the ordinary for me. and i'm getting my silly back i think. funks are so weird, they make your silly go away, and this one has taken awhile to shake, but i will have to be like jay-z and just shake them haters. or something like that. meanwhile we listen to the "disco and 80s" station at work and thats nothing but good times with abba, weird star wars medleys, michael jackson (you know which song i'm talking about), blondie, etc, etc. mostly people are like "how do you know these songs?"

so with that in mind here is the (i'm so sure) second installment of things that i like:
soy milk (new addition)
shoes
cheese sticks from denny's
facials
breezes
hats
naps (i know that was on the last list, but come on, i love them)
smiling
lamps
chair and a halfs plus the ottomans that go with them
vanilla milkshakes
lemonade
costa rica
sharpies of any color and writing in them all the time
arranging flowers (i did 3 $50 arrangements tonight...cool huh?)
details
kisses
dresses
counting down
birthdays
soft pretzels
big sunglasses
hugs
staying up late
cleaning (but not my own space, other peoples' spaces...weird, i know)
looking people in the eye
writing
listening (moreso than talking)
feeling excitement and happiness for other people
shampoo
the book i like you by sandol stoddard warburg
key lime pie
hanging things on walls
sno cones
cokes
stars
rearranging furniture

oh man. what a list. well, there you go. tomorrow is "the day before morther's day" since we aren't open on sunday. so it will be interesting to see how busy it is. i'm sleeeeeeepy. today was long.

fight or flee.
which should i choose?
probably neither.
always reliable.
i not very sure.

Listening: The Cure

come down flying low for me

weeeeeeeelllllllll.
i'm pretty boring today, nothing new to report.
although i realized that i do get excited about the stupidest stuff, stuff i probably have absolutely no reason to be excited about. but i get excited anyways, well okay, maybe silly (in a happy way) is a better word.
i have come to have a love-hate relationship with the silliness. mostly love, but a little hate, for the simple fact that i'm not sure if i'm allowed to be silly.
well okay, so i'm allowed, if you want to be technical, i'm allowed to do whatever i suppose, BUT i just hate being silly about things unnecessarily, becuase then you feel totally lame when you realize or when you are told that you were silly unnecessarily.
who even knows what i'm talking about at this point??? i'm not sure i even follow myself....ha.

OH! finished the first season of 24 today!! jack is just about the coolest ever. the wives (the ones that i said kind of sucked in Friday's post) well, they totally got the boot in the season finale. one is possibly dead, so i guess i shouldn't be too "excited" about that, but she was starting to drive me crazy, and sherry "the manipulator" palmer got served (divorce papers, well not yet, but close enough). i sure hope someone out there laughed at my stupid joke. but needless to say, i'm more than ready for season two. although, jack cried excessively in the final episode, which is alright i guess becuase according to my sources, his tears cure cancer, but i expected more (or less?) from ctu's resident bad-a.

TEN DAYS.

random questions, are just that: random. and i think "what is the purpose of you asking me that?" that happened to me a few times today, in random places, like wal-mart. WHAT? who are these people??? anyways, questions that solicit the blank stare response. or the blank stare, then goofy smile, what the heck response. thats more what i give.

i'm liking some things. still sort of wading in slowly. i realized that i try to play it joe cool, but i'm not really. i'm learning some things too. like how to bite my tongue, self-control, patience. it is good for me. i've had happy days.

i used the turn of phrase today "i'm on the bench." i think its funny, even though its not really that accurate. i mean sometimes yeah, but eh, not so much right now, or really ever. as much as i would like to think that i'm sitting on the bench just chillin, watching things go by, trying to avoid getting slammed with some sort of sporting good, but i think i get too bored. another thing i'm learning: how to be proactive instead of reactive. granted there is a time and place for both, but i think i've needed to work on the proactivity.

and (this is the last thing, then i'm done for the day) i did some job stuff today. i looked at pr jobs and got this sick feeling in my stomach. i saw myself sitting in an office going through spreadsheets, talking promotions, doing marketing plans, talking target markets, projecting outcomes and i wanted to hurl. i don't think the agency life is for me, but maybe i can find a great fit out there with an agency. i don't know, i'll talk about this some other time. but i felt i needed to share that reaction. :)

i'm liking this whole out-of-the-funk-happy-mood stuff.

yesterday i felt a little like a fish. bass, like the fish.

Listening: Elizabethtown, soundtrack

i'm in over my head

nice outside, yup.
super nice.
watching taped desperate housewives and grey's anatomy. (whew, i missed last week!)
rearranged my furniture yesterday and tried to severely clean.
the kitchen, "dining room," and living room are alright, buuuuut my room looks like a bomb went off.
yiiiiiiikes.
tomorrow is monday. whoo hoo.
i've gots stuff to do.
it seemed like nearly everything i heard today i could relate to some aspect of my life...you know like random songs, little cliche sayings...it feels like sometimes those things just click for some wierd reason.
aaaaaaand, i love me some baseball, but i doooo like the gatorade commerical that uses "take me out to the ballgame" for soccer; tagline "the new ballgame."
ummmm, what else?
not much.
i've worked through some stuff, that's good.
still have some things to work on, and that's okay too.
11 freaking days, that's awesome.
i feel like i have a lot to look forward to in the coming weeks.
i sure hope so at least.
life is developing at a dizzying pace. well sort of. but i think i'm always dizzy.
if i can keep this attitude life will be great.
but like it says, i'm in way over my head, and i know it.
although honestly, i kind of like it that way.
i like a little silly, and thats how being in over my head makes me feel.
i've had some weird stuff go through my head.
but thats okay.
i had one of those funny experiences when people are asking you questions that you really don't want to answer, and you feel totally shady giving the answers you give......ha. so weird, i just tried to skirt around the subject as much as possible.
i also think reactions are funny. i've gotten some reactions lately that have been completely unexpected. the kind that make you say "........" or something like that. that doesn't make much sense. sorry.
hmmm. yup.

i must have been asleep for days

Yesterday was a good day. I liked it. It gets best all-around, well until I have another good day. Hang on until the end of this play-by-play and you'll heard about my really really scary experience last night.

Friday started off kind of squirrely, with the maintence guys coming to fix my shower drain (SICK) at 8:30 a.m. and not finishing until 1:30 p.m. Yeah. So I borrowed AK's shower yesterday morning (thanks again) and slept intermittenly while I waited. Ran a few errands--got a Yankee Candle housewarmer thingy, one that plugs in to the wall, becuase I felt like my house smelled like sewage. Now it probably smells like sewage and "home sweet home," but at least the smell is improving. I'll just open all the windows. Maybe that will help?

As for the rest of my day, I watched 24 (disc six of season one, yeah it is taking us awhile, we do what we can, but it is okay becuase I am in good company), and I love it. Jack Bauer and David Palmer are super cool, but the wives on the show kind of suck. Well okay, maybe suck is harsh, but they are pretty crazy. Only two episodes left in season one! I can't wait for season two, I've been told it just gets better and better. I can't imgaine what is in store. Although if it keeps taking a month to get through a season I won't be caught up until September.

I talked to some friends on the phone yesterday! TWELVE DAYS.

Ohhhh, heres the sort of exciting part about last night. I went and saw Mission Impossible: 3, which was action from beginning to end. No stopping. I was kind of tired when it was over, but I really liked it. But so it had been storming really bad, lots of wind, lightning, you get the picture. So we are driving back, Brian, Kevin and I, (Brian is driving, I'm in the passenger seat) and we turn from the loop onto EN10th, the two-lane part that is really bumpy and stuff, and see the cars in front of us slowing down and we see flashing lights from a firetruck. There is a guy standing on the side of the road with his cell phone and firemen out everywhere, so we assume it was an accident, but they are waving people through pretty quickly. So we keep going and as we get closer we see that it is a downed powerline, not a wreck. The firetruck was parked just in front of the powerline, and we are waved through. As we are driving past the power line, it sparks, goes "zzzzzzzzzt" and I see all this bright light outside my window incredibly close to Brian's car. Um scary. I'm pretty sure I screamed and was halfway across the console, and Brain keeps driving and we were all like "uhhhhhhh" and kind of laughed it off a little, then it starts smelling like burned something and I see the panicked look on the next fireman's face as he waved us through frantically and realized that was actually really serious. It was scary. Really scary. But we are okay and Brian's car is okay, but it was just scary. Then after they dropped me off, I had visions of Final Destination when they are avoiding that loose power line.

So theres my story. I've been totally lazy so far today, but I don't mind that too much. I got some very restful sleep, it was much needed. I'm ready for more days like Friday, only minus the near-electrocution.

I wish we could play today. Maybe later.

Watching: The Firm, good book, good movie.

you threw a chair right upside my head

the past two days:
gorgeous days, beautiful nights
sun, thunder, lightning, rain!
last week it rained when the sun was out, i love love love that. so much. i thought of costa rica. i like watching the rain fall when the sun is out. it melts my heart, and regardless of anything else going on gives me this crazy happy feeling. love it man, love it. (i'm such a cheeseball)

i played disc golf on wednesday. i was terrible, i mean bad. but it was still fun. i don't quite have the approach down, mine consists of strolling to the edge of the tee box and throwing the disc. described as a bit nonchalant and prissy. but i'm going to work on it so i can kick some serious tail. seriously, i'm going to tear it up. i'm ready for another try.

today was totally random and weeeeeeird. . yeesh. it was funny though. i feel a little mean for saying that it was "weeeeeeeird" but it was. gone most of the afternoon, but theres a totally cool harley-davidson exhibit at the grace. mize: i think it will still be here when you get here, so we will go, even if we have to take a stealth mission in the night. you will see this awesome collection. there is also a "history of baseball in abilene" exhibit that fun too.
"my firm has tickets to the Met."
"i love baseball!!"

thats all. maalox has become a major food group me, joining the ranks of soy milk and soup. man i'm in LOVE with the beige diet.

Listening: Gold, Ryan Adams

stab my back

despite the omnious entry title, i'm really fairly optimistic about things right now.
i took a "getaway" and i feel better.
for the most part.
went to the planetarium this evening, that was silly and fun. it was more on a 4th grade education level, but i thought it was cool anyways.
crazy storm tonight. amazing though. great to watch. everything about it was pretty dang cool.

you know when you get that funny feeling that people just aren't being straight with you?
maybe for "good" reasons, maybe for reasons you'll understand later, but that doesn't make that weird feeling any easier. it is still just as unsettling.
part of me is still screaming "tell me the whole truth."
the rest of me is whispering "nobody has to actually do that."

i have decided after talking to a friend of mine, that the worst feeling i could experience right now (right now at this point in my life this feeling is the hardest to experience) is the feeling of being replaced.
the feeling of being disposable.
that feeling is completely and totally awful.
i have a little inkling of that.
i sure hope i don't make anyone feel that way.
booooooooo to that.

do you ever think "you are completely and totally missing the point?" or "i am completely and totally missing the point?" yeah, me too.

unfortunately i don't have work this week.
therefore my already overly actively imagination will want to go crazy.
i can't let it.
help keep me busy, okay? please?

that is all. i promise to deliver something more mundane next time.

no no no no, don't lie

what a day. or half a day since i slept part of it away.
last night was dinner at the church for the graduating seniors, (my sister). there was a slideshow and it was funny to see some of the pictures of my sister that i hadn't seen in forever. i was in there a few times with her, man i miss those huge glasses, my perm, and that awesome retainer.....
oh and i decided that if i don't find a job my sister and i will take our tap shoes and hit the road, like the andrews sisters, only we'll be sisters from andrews....

i got really sick last night. NOT pleasant. i took some phenergen to keep me from getting sick again and it knocked me out, but i woke up with one of those medicine hangovers.

lying sucks (i'm sooooo verbose huh?). and we are all guilty i believe.
although, i guess there is a chance of someone out there living who has never told anything even closely resembling a lie.
is not telling the whole truth a lie too? i mean not telling everything?
we talked about the nature of "lying" in the linguistics class i took last year, and "what is a lie?" was the topic for discussion one day.
interesting to hear what people had to say about what exactly defines a lie, and the difference between that and an "untruth" or simply being "mislead."
we talked about this for 45 minutes at least, no joke.
i am incredibly trusting, so when it comes around (which it nearly always does, i mean come on, it does) that someone has lied, it huuuuuuuuuurts.
i want to trust, i hate feeling jaded in that sense.
it hurts worse when they lie to your face, becuase they looked you in the eye. (eye contact=huge for me)
especially when they expect you to trust them and want you to trust them.
but how in the world can you trust them if you know they are lying?
even worse when you know they are lying and they know they are lying, but they don't know you know they are lying.
ewwwwwwww.
not cool man, not cool.

i've had a few experiences with this, they are always unpleasant.
even though i'm really trusting, i have found myself sussing out lies pretty easily.
even worse, i'm one of those people that will ask you about it or i will choose not to say anything at all.
either way is messy, but turns out okay.
always guaranteed to be painful though.
i just like honesty and forthrightness, becuase that is what i try to give, thats what i want to give.
when push comes to shove, i would just like for people to try the same in return.
i was listening to the black-eyed peas and they sing about lying so i thought i'd write about it.

i feel a second installment of "what i like" coming on soon. anyways, mi casita for dinner tonight. then just ratting around, what i freaking do best.
lets have a dance party.

p.s. anyone want to help me rearrange furniture?????

Watching: The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe